Leadership | The Confidence Code – Katty Kay & Claire Shipman

Hi All,

The Confidence Code has been recommended by Christine Lagarde and so many other female mentors and leaders in finance and beyond—that's how it ended up on my radar. When leaders at that level are pointing to a book, you know it's worth the read.

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What it's about: The Confidence Code explores the confidence gap between men and women through neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral research. Kay and Shipman reveal that confidence isn't just about self-belief—it's neurologically and hormonally different between genders, shaped by societal conditioning that teaches women to seek perfection while men are rewarded for taking risks. The book combines scientific findings with practical strategies for building authentic confidence.

Executive Summary for Busy People: Women often mistake competence for confidence, waiting until they're 100% qualified before acting, while men typically apply when they meet 60% of job requirements. The research shows confidence is partly genetic, partly learned, and can be developed through action, not just positive thinking.

What Kay and Shipman Discovered

This isn't another self-help book telling you to "lean in." Kay and Shipman dove deep into neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral research to understand why the confidence gap between men and women exists in the first place. What they found will probably surprise you—confidence isn't just about self-belief. It's literally neurologically and hormonally different between genders.

Here's the reality: our society conditions women to seek perfection while rewarding men for taking risks. But it goes deeper than conditioning—there are actual biological differences at play.

The Numbers That Changed My Perspective

• The Application Gap: Based on Hewlett Packard's study, men apply for jobs when they meet around 60% of qualifications while women wait until they meet closer to 100%. This isn't just perfectionism—it creates a massive career advancement gap where women miss opportunities while they're busy over-preparing.
• Brain Chemistry Reality: Women's brains show more activity in the anterior cingulate cortex (the worry/risk assessment center) and have roughly 50% lower serotonin levels than men. Think about that—the "happy hormone" that regulates mood and anxiety is literally at half the levels.
• Why This Actually Matters: Those lower serotonin levels mean women's brains are physiologically wired to be more vigilant and cautious. Great for survival thousands of years ago, not so great when you need to make bold moves in boardrooms today. It manifests as overthinking decisions, being hypersensitive to potential negative outcomes, feeling uncomfortable with ambiguity, and experiencing more anxiety around self-promotion.
• The Unfamiliar Settings Effect: Women's confidence drops in male-dominated environments while men's confidence increases in those same settings. Add cultural and ethnic factors to being outnumbered by gender, and you've got compounding intimidation and stress factors.
• Physical Confidence Markers: The research shows women take up less physical space in meetings, speak 30% less in group settings, and get interrupted more frequently. These aren't just habits—they're nonverbal signals that reinforce authority gaps.

What Actually Works (Science-Backed)

• Power Posing: Sounds almost too simple, but 2 minutes in expansive postures—hands on hips, arms raised—increases testosterone 19% and decreases cortisol 25%. Your physiology literally changes.
• The Failure CV: Keep a record of rejections and setbacks. Research shows this reduces fear and increases risk-taking because you start seeing failure as data, not defeat.
• The 5-Second Rule: When you have an instinct to act, count down 5-4-3-2-1 and move immediately before your brain talks you out of it. Bypass that overthinking loop.
• Competence Accumulation: Take on stretch assignments where you'll learn publicly—think couch to 5K but for your career. Confidence builds through demonstrated capability, not internal pep talks.

Real-World Applications

Instead of "I need to master every skill before I speak up in meetings," try "I'll contribute my expertise even if I don't have all the answers."

Rather than avoiding challenges where failure is possible, deliberately seek opportunities that stretch your comfort zone.

Replace "I don't know if I'm ready for this promotion" with "I'll learn what I need as I grow into this role."

The Perfectionism Trap

Here's what clicked for me: perfectionism creates a confidence paradox. The more women prepare to avoid failure, the less confident they become about taking action. Meanwhile, the world rewards people who act with incomplete information.

Women tend to over-prepare for presentations and meetings, which paradoxically reduces the spontaneity and risk-taking that's crucial for executive presence. We're essentially perfecting ourselves out of opportunities.

Why This Resonated So Deeply

This book validated experiences I'd felt but couldn't articulate. It helped me recognize when I was mistaking competence for confidence—thinking that if I just got good enough at something, the confidence would automatically follow. That's not how it works.

The science-backed strategies actually work because they address the root causes, not just the symptoms. If you're on boards trying to understand gender dynamics, a CEO building inclusive cultures, or an equity-minded leader wanting data-driven approaches, this is your playbook.

For anyone navigating leadership roles, this book explains why the same preparation and expertise that should lead to confidence sometimes doesn't. And more importantly, it gives you concrete strategies to bridge that gap.

The confidence code isn't about becoming someone you're not—it's about understanding how your brain works and working with it, not against it.

If you have more time, I highly recommend the following videos and interviews!

Summary

Claire Shipman discusses the confidence gap between men and women, particularly in professional settings, and how this gap develops in girls. She explores the roots of confidence, the impact of societal expectations, and practical strategies for parents and girls to build resilience and take risks. The conversation also touches on social media’s influence and the importance of role models.

Highlights

• 👩‍💼 Women often feel unqualified for promotions despite being successful, highlighting a confidence gap compared to men, who are more likely to take risks even when less qualified.
• 🧬 Confidence is partly genetic but largely built through action and experience, creating a virtuous circle where taking risks and mastering challenges fosters more confidence.
• 👧 Girls excel academically but often become perfectionists, hindering their ability to take risks and learn from failure, which is crucial for success in the workplace.
• 📱 Social media exacerbates rumination in girls, but can be used positively to find supportive communities and inspirational role models.
• 🗣️ Encouraging girls to speak up, challenging the need to please everyone, and modelling resilience as parents are essential for fostering confidence and challenging societal norms.

Note) This summary has been generated by AI on YouTube.